The following guidance from Shree Vasant was received in meditation by Parvati Rosen-Bizberg.
October 1, 2018
When one experiences conflict with another person, it doesn’t matter if it is 99% their issue and only 1% yours. What do you think should be your focus? Yes, that 1%. Often it is 50-50, sometimes 30-70, but any percentage at all is irrelevant. You have to look at your part in the equation.
Normally, what happens is that one person blames the other and totally examines and takes note of all the details of the other person’s transgressions or errors made. Rarely does one take the time to look at the situation from a higher point of view, in order to root out what is their part. That’s where you get that “He said, she said’’ and there is no end to it.
Apologizing for your side without really seeing it, is like small children being coached to say “I’m sorry” without understanding why or what for.
Sometimes it is not an apology that is needed, but rather an admission that one has examined the interaction and understands. In any case, the person who is able to see his/her own side is the one who evolves in the situation. Hopefully, both come to a realization and are able to identify the problems, so to avoid making the same mistakes and to learn for future.
Ofttimes, one notices a pattern which may be repetitive in one’s life. If there are misunderstandings, they may be able to see that problem and create a new way of interacting, not only with the person with whom the conflict is immediate but with others from that point on.